Spicy Food Almost Killed Me

The first time I enjoyed Angry Crab it was in Mesa. Plastic bib secured I could not understand how anyone would need the sinks located in the eating area.

Me & The Bro!

Me & The Bro!

I came to appreciate them.
The food is a hands on event. Messy and delicious. You rip shrimp, crawfish, whatever you’ve selected, apart with your hands and juice goes flying. It’s all over the place. You get stuff on your hands, sure. Seasoning magically migrates past your mouth to your cheeks. It isn’t pretty. Perhaps this isn’t a first date place.

Warning: I would carefully select the spice level as it is no joking matter. Last night Angry Crab made an appearance at the Scottsdale Spice Culinary Event hosted by the Scottsdale Chamber of Commerce. When asked what level of spice I wanted, I quickly said, “Yes. I’ll take the hot level of whatever you’ve got.”

Rarely do I encounter food so spicy I become hot under the collar. After gulping down some shrimp I start making polite conversation.

But Noooo. I turn to the nearest table for a napkin so I can blow my nose. I interrupt someone for this piece of paper product. I need it. (Doesn’t help.) I cough. (Doesn’t help.) I suck down some small beverage in a desperate attempt to stop the molten fire in my throat. (Nope. Doesn’t help.) I toss off the top of my VOSS water bottle. Drink most of the remaining 16.9 ounces back.

I’m D-y-i-n-g.

As I begin to panic I scope the room.

Look at the crowds!

Look at the crowds!

I’m toast. No mango lassi in my future. (Or, as someone suggested this morning, yogurt.) My inner voice is screaming, “GET OUT OF THE WAY!”

“Can’t you see the short Colombian melting down over here?”

I clutch the table to try and sort out a plan of action.

I’m not even pretending to pay attention to conversation anymore. I stumble to the bar with the shortest line in desperation. I need something. ANYTHING.

Thankfully someone mercifully tossed me some Voss water.

Quasi relief!

Quasi relief!

(Do I sound grateful enough? Because I can’t articulate how much of a defcon situation this was.) At which point a small beverage felt just about right.

Tequila!

Tequila!

I said small.

Anyway. This event did not fail to deliver. The food was incredible at every station. I just had a meltdown at Angry Crab 🙂

Spicy.
Hot.
Yes, strangely delicious.

My many years of eating Indian food back east have failed me. I need to practice more. One of my friends has informed me of Angry Crab restaurant protocol. There are clear warnings on the menu:

Order at your own risk.

My friends have done some recon for me. We believe Angry Crab was serving heat level 4 (angry ghost), which probably uses ghost peppers (1.4 million Scoville units, versus habanero’s 300,000 Scoville units). If it wasn’t so early on a Sunday I would ring to find out!

In true Phoenix fashion, the server probably would have brought over a tiny bit for the table to sample. Knowing Irene I might not have gone for this level of inferno. But WOAH. What an experience! If Mesa isn’t your thing perk up with this news: A Phoenix locations opens in TWO weeks. That’s right. N28th St & E. Indian School Rd. But heed my warnings!

Hilarious. This is a photo of my friend who did not fare as well.

Someone Fix My Tongue!

Someone Fix My Tongue!

This still gives me giggles. I am an evil human being.

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